my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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