Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
