In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
