He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
