you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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