He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
