If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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