I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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