we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Randomize
