So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
