remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Michael Bay diarrhea
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
