Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
