he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
