Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
