I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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