No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
