HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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