Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You smell like stripper and shame
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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