Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
