Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
