I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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