There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
