Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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