I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
