I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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