I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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