We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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