The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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