I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
