Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
