well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
