yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
this just has baby written all over it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
