Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
