Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
