I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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