i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
