My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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