he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
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Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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