matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize