I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
