But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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