i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
