did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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