You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
whose parrot is this?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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