i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
