Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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