He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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