He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
