If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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