I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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