he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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