I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
