Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
