I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
