wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Boobs speak an international language.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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