I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
