and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Terrible idea I love it
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize