they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
