Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
