he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
