the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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