He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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