I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
