After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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