yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
