How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
