He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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