After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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