Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
