Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
This house was built for laser tag.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
