Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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