smell my finger.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
