There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
