And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
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Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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