whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
