I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
