I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
