hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
