hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
FUCK WHALES
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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